Everything in my life was alcohol until 2010. I remember standing on Waterloo Bridge and thought about ending my life but I didn’t. Somehow I got the strength to stop drinking.

I started drinking in 1992 when my dad died. He was my hero and best friend. My parents were together for 25 years and my mum spent the last 9 weeks of his life in a hospital bed beside him. She watched my dad die and I watched her suffer. I found that the drink helped to suppress my feelings, it gave me the confidence to deal with things. I wasn’t really dealing with what was going on but running away.

I used to drink outside The Connection and despite them trying to help I didn’t listen and got several asbos. It used to upset staff at The Connection and I’m embarrassed for what I did but I was scared. But, The Connection was still there with open arms when I was ready. 

I’d always run away from rehab and detox and at one point I was drinking 2 bottles of vodka a day. But, I’ve been coming to the Headspace* group for 8 months. Headspace helped get me in to detox and even though I kept relapsing they continued supporting me.

After feeling suicidal on the bridge I haven’t gone back to drink. In rehab they asked me on a scale of 1-10 whether I’d relapse if my mum died. I said 11 and then a few months later my mum died. My foundation was rocked, I was like a chandelier that had shattered, but I didn’t go back to drink because I’ve got the support around me, I listen to what people tell me.

Eric, a member of staff here pulled me in a room. He could see I was in pieces but he let me talk while he listened.  He then said instead of mourning your mum’s death celebrate her life. That might seem like something small but it’s all I needed to stay away from alcohol.

Headspace has also given me life skills, for example keeping up with my bills which I’d never managed to do. At one stage I wasn’t paying them and they were going to bite me which could’ve sent me back on to alcohol

I’ve been clean for over a year. It’s my choice whether I pick up alcohol and drink. I know my future’s a lot brighter than the past. I’ve now got 3 great references from The Connection which say I would be good at outreach work. This means the world to me and I can’t wait to give something back.

* Headspace is The Connection’s drug and alcohol misuse group, it provides information and support to promote safe usage practices and helps people to get clean.

Photography posed by model.