Kate's story

Kate, a senior manager for a financial organisation in London, was 25 when she started her relationship with James*.  They met working for a major UK financial institute. 

After a while James became very controlling, telling Kate what to wear and bossing her about in front of their work colleagues.  He even prevented her from attending a course that would have furthered her career.  He was verbally abusive, flirted with female colleagues at work social events, coming home late with no explanation, and was obsessive about meals and how things were organised in the house.

The first time James physically attacked Kate was on the way to his Sunday football game.  Out of the blue, he punched Kate in the face as she was driving him there because she didn't know where he was playing.  The violence continued and he never said sorry, just bought Kate gifts or took her out.  She still has physical scars and pain as lasting reminder of his violent outbursts, and has had to have surgery on her fractured nose and physio for scar tissue left in her thigh where James had kicked her repeatedly and pushed her down the stairs.

Kate left James after he tried to strangle her during a particularly vicious attack.  She escaped from the house and ran to a friend's house nearby.  She had managed to call the police mid-attack and they arrested James, who was given a restraining order. 

Kate contacted the 24 hr Freephone National Domestic Violence Helpline after the time James pushed her down the stairs. 

"I rang the helpline after the stairs incident and had a long conversation.  I was told that a leopard rarely changes his spots without help.  I loved him and really thought he would change.  But when I talked to helpline, it made me realise that I had to look after myself.  Every time he hit me he promised he'd never do it again, but he always did. 

The helpline put me in touch with a community worker.  By this time I had moved in with my parents and the worker used to come and meet me at home.  She helped me to rebuild my confidence.  I wish so much that I had called earlier.  I called the police after he threw me down the stairs, but I withdrew my statement because he threatened me and my family.  I really thought he would kill me.  Maybe if I had called earlier and met my support worker then I would have had the strength to go through with the court proceedings." 

Despite her lack of confidence, and James' attempts to sabotage her development, Kate has built a successful career and has rebuilt her confidence in the workplace with the support of colleagues.

_{*Names have been changed.}

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London Councils helps fund the 24-hr Freephone National Domestic Violence Helpline - run in partnership between Women's Aid and Refuge. The funding covers the costs of calls from women seeking help and support helpline staff and volunteers.