name: Tara *(not her real name)

organisation: Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Centre

background: The organisation provides counselling & psychotherapy support for those affected by domestic violence, rape or sexual abuse to improve safety, confidence, emotional health & wellbeing and promotion of safe choices

funding: currently funded through to 31 October 2012

borough: Tara* is from South London and the organisation is based in Croydon.




I am 44, and a reasonably successful business woman. Yet for much of my life I carried a devastating secret.

I was just 17 when I was subjected to a horrifying sexual attack, brutally raped by a man who threatened to kill me if I told anyone what he had done.I never reported the crime, keeping it hidden from my family and friends.

Like everything that day, the day that my life was to change, my decision to keep all of the guilt and shame to me is clear in my memory I was ashamed, I felt totally alone. Over the years I had sought help – from a church, from a youth counsellor. But it was years before I found Croydon Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Centre - my lighthouse.

I was 35 when I first contacted the helpline: You don’t walk through the doors and have counselling straight away. You gradually build up trust. I would build up the courage to call, hear someone lovely – and then put the phone down. I just couldn’t begin to properly bare my soul. You have to wipe from your mind their faces – what they are doing, what they look like - will they be angry with me, will they judge me?

But they listened. They were patient. Not great reams of advice – In their silence whilst listening, I knew they were ‘standing by me’ without judgement or condemnation. However, it got to the point where phone calls weren’t enough.  They invited me in - that’s a big step because it’s one thing speaking to a warm smiling voice on the phone, but to speak to them in person, they would see my life, my pain, my agony and my hurt – while I have to see the expression on their face. I knew if I could see any judgement on their faces that I would be out of there.

I was matched with a counsellor, the same person I saw for all my sessions. She was, and is a diamond! I owe much to her. Through therapy, through group counselling, through one-to-one support, I confronted what had happened to me and “overcame it”.

I have since told some friends what happened to me and they have commented that my bravery is inspirational….I don’t know about that! I just kept keeping on.

Tara* not her real name